Any offers?

After growing tired of that Heywood fellow, I sent him packing with one of the "King Edward" cigars I reserve for the servants on Boxing Day.

Before the bounder left, he manged to take £260,000 or more from the petty cash drawer in my study, leaving me short for the weekend.

This lack of ready funds has been compounded by the need to advertise the vacant position in the Sunday Times, whose rates compare unfavorably with the Formby Champion, where I usually place my messages.

Bearing all this in mind, I find I can now only offer a salary of £150,000pa for the Sefton job. I know it's not much, but maybe there's a single young man out there, probably still living at home, who will be able to stretch it out.

I'll bung in use of the rolls on Monday's to sweeten the deal.